First Day On My Own

This morning I said goodbye to Travis for the next two weeks. We did a little high five and a casual “love ya, see ya soon” type deal since I’m not real big on hugs, even with family.  A cab came to pick him up because it was less hassle then forcing the dogs back in the car again, plus it meant I could sleep in a couple more hours and drag out every lovely moment of our first hotel experience (which I most definitely did).  It took me a few moments to get back to sleep because I was so busy listening to the call to prayers echoing throughout the city from all the mosques…  it was my first time hearing these and I could have listened forever, to say it brought peace to my nervous heart is an understatement.

When I did finally roll out of bed just before eight (since I’m usually up with the dogs and horses by six-thirty, this was sleeping in for me), I was greeted by pouring, cold rain.  It put a huge damper on my plans of exploring the city before heading back to Kupres.  I tried to while away some time potty breaking the dogs, taking full advantage of the free breakfast provided by the hotel, and stretching out my shower with its endless amounts of hot water, but in the end, I had to give in that today wasn’t going to be one for exploring.  So I got the pack resettled in the car and headed out of town.

I cried the whole first hour of the drive.  I am so nervous about being alone for the next two weeks.  The weight of it all hit me as I left the city and I thought about everything I’d suddenly be responsible for: having to take care of all the animals without someone there to back me up, figuring out how to make a fire so I can heat the cabin (Travis showed me but I wasn’t real good at it), and most of all, dealing with the two bosses on the farm myself (both of whom are absolutely wonderful and both of whom separately assured Travis they’d take good care of me… and both of whom are men, so even though I absolutely trust them and believe I am 100% safe here, this is a huge challenge for me).  I want to believe I’m a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to depend on anyone, but lets face it, I’ve managed to avoid being alone with unnerving success since my divorce, and the idea of being alone in a foreign country has every cell in my body saying “what the hell are you thinking?”

I made the drive back to Kupres fine; the dogs were thrilled to be back.  I spent the afternoon trying to relax with a Harry Potter book (this is my second time through the series on this trip, Travis is on his fourth!).  During evening stables, Mate (boss one) came down to help me bring the horses in.  He asked how I was feeling about being there, reminded me that he, Marko, and both the girls are only a phone call away, and we made tentative plans to go visit the wild horses (so excited!) this weekend.  It was kind of him, and reassuring to know that they were all looking out for me.  Afterwards, I watched one of the prettiest sunsets I’ve seen since being here, and I finally started to feel my anxiety subside.  I can do this, I’m going to be okay.  Only 13 days left to get through!

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