Being Sick Alone

I don’t have much to share today, because I haven’t done anything at all in the last few days.  After about more then two months off of Zoloft, I was finally able to get a refill on my prescription here in BiH.  That was a fascinating experience after living in the US and UK my entire life.  I literally just walked in with the bottles in my hand, asked the pharmacist if I could get pills there or needed to see a doctor, and walked out 5 mins later with the medications.  It cost me 22 Bosnian marks, which is probably around $9, to fill three prescriptions.  Can you imagine walking in to a pharmacy back home and getting controlled medications just with old pills bottles?  I’m not complaining, it was one of the highlight moments of the trip for me!

I started taking the Zoloft again immediately, because as Travis will tell you, me off happy pills isn’t really the best version of me… and with everything that’s happened over the last few months, I haven’t really been coping very well since I’ve been so unstable.  I can already feel the positive effects of being on the Zoloft again: my mind is quieter and my emotions aren’t swinging to drastically from high to low throughout the day.  In a few weeks time, I should be able to think clearly again, which would be a nice change from walking around feeling like my brain is a fog of emotions and bad memories that I can’t ever fight off.

Unfortunately, there’s a downside to starting this particular medication again that I forgot: it makes me really, really ill for the first two weeks or so.  So for the last few days, I’ve been huddled up inside, trying to keep food down while my stomach rejects it all adamantly.  Anyone who knows me knows I am a truly miserable sick person, and its considerably worse when I’m alone with no one to baby me.  My mood has been nothing short of vile.  Plus, I feel guilty for not doing my volunteer chores, even though the bosses have been nothing but understanding.  And to top it all off, we had guests this weekend for the first time since we’ve been at the ranch, and I had been looking forward to meeting them and getting to ride in a group with the bosses.  Instead I did my best to avoid everyone because I didn’t want to risk vomiting at an impromptu moment, or being unintentionally rude because I’m feeling so put out with own self at the moment.

I know that in the long run, its worth it to suffer through these side effects to have a better version of myself back again.  But man does it suck big time for the time being.  Today I felt slightly less nauseous, so here’s hoping that tomorrow I can at least clean some stalls to get out of the cabin for longer then a dog walk!  Sorry to be so boring everyone, but Travis will be back soon and the real travel adventures will start again as we head for our next country!

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